We both worked outside the house during the day, and this living arrangement worked well for both of us. Conversation was usually not too deep or involved over dinner; we were not in the habit of sharing our problems, fears, or serious concerns. Tonight, however, mother announced that her best female friend, Stella, had propositioned her and wanted to penetrate her with a strap-on dildo! She even said the word dildo to me for the first time I could remember, expecting that I would understand what she was talking about! Mother's story was told with a sense of betrayal, shock, and disappointment. Stella had traveled with mother on tours to Europe, Russia, and China after they both became widows. Although my father had died of lung cancer after a lifetime of smoking, Stella's husband had blown his head off with a shotgun... I had chalked up the suicide of Stella's husband to depression and the loss of his job in an economic downturn, but now suspicions of female-to-male abuse. Well, in all honesty, it might be more accurate to say free to fuck. We share stories, fantasies, and sex dreams, and act them out as best we can. We have reintroduced oral sex and even anal sex back into our lives. All this has been a wonderful journey of exploration, but it has brought a new transition into my life as well. I have developed quite an urge to cross dress, and have become very curious as to what it would be like to be with another man. I guess I would be kidding myself if I said that my curiosity is a new thing. Certainly the signs were there as I was growing up, but how does anyone really know what are normal thoughts and feelings for an adolescent boy? I've always enjoyed pictures of beautiful women in silky lingerie, and now I not only enjoy the way they look, I picture myself dressed as they are. These evolving feelings have reminded me of an experience that happened long ago that I would like to share with you. I was kind of a loner in school, timid with girls.
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